Once you’re comfortable with sexual pleasure that doesn’t involve intercourse, and with the experience of losing and regaining an erection, the therapist may suggest that you’re ready for intercourse. Often sex therapists recommend that the woman be on top, because this makes it easier for her to be the more active partner, Such an arrangement may help the man because he has less pressure to perform and can more easily relax and enjoy himself.
An important part of a sex therapy program is for each partner to be responsible for his or her own pleasure—and to communicate his or her feelings. Marvin and Caroline welcomed this change. Focusing on different ways to have sensual pleasure was a wonderful development. “This helped us take the emphasis away from intercourse,” she says. Initially, the ban on intercourse was difficult, but the process of going through the exercises provided an unexpected bonus for Caroline. She found herself learning to be more comfortable with enjoying sensual and sexual pleasures which did not involve intercourse. Like many of us, although she “knew” such behavior was okay, she had not quite accepted it emotionally. But having Marvin caress her for a period of time without any expectation of intercourse helped her overcome her inhibitions about “that kind” of touching.
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